Oh! I should have known digesting those morsels of swallow in such a hurry would cause some sort of discomfort the next day.
The amount of swallow I ate yesterday and the way I rushed each morsel has come to destroy me. I blame the ogbono soup and how it danced seductively on my tongue. It knew just what it was doing.
With all that food I ate yesterday I woke up this morning still starving. Now I was craving rice as white as chalk and stew as red as blood. Just close your eyes, imagine, white rice and stew assorted with beef and ponmo, chai.
Anyway there I am still thinking of white rice and stew when a couple of friends asked if I was coming with them to the canteen. I almost declined but if you heard the way my stomach was growling like a dog with rabies, I had to feed the monster.
We went to the mama put and ordered jollof rice. The rice tasted like dust, sand and nothing at the same time.
You know, Looking at the pink colored jollof rice i should have begged the woman selling it for mercy because it seems like she was sent to kill me.
It wasn’t till I got to class before I knew I was in deep SHIT.
Omo! If you see the way I was harboring farts in class. The woman truly concocted with my enemies. The pink rice was making somersaults in my stomach. « Are you okay » a friend sitting beside me asked as a tear slid down my face. I gave him a thumbs up. He raised his eyebrows and I gave him another thumbs up. Ma pami.
The lecturer kept talking and talking, walking in and out of the class. This class wasn’t ending soon.
The fart was daring me. It teased and all I could do was cry. If I let this atomic bomb out, The world might as well witness another Hiroshima bombing. Imagine the headline: 400 students Gone to schoolmate’s highly toxic fart.
No. No. Godforbid. I ran out of the class and walked-ran to the public toilet.
« Ekasaan ma » i yelled at the woman in charge of the toilet.
« Ito abi iyagbe » she asked. I didn’t answer, it’s not me she’d disgrace. I entered the toilet. Ah modaran. It smelt of vomit and expired dettol( if there’s something like that). Okay I can do this.
This wasn’t fart. It was, you guessed it, shit! I was sweating and crying. God if you save me from this, I’d never ever complain in my life. « Did this woman just lock me inside » I mouth as the toilet door jams. I shake my head and focus on my dilemma.
Godforbid i seat on this toilet seat . I hold both sides of the dirty walls with my hands, stand on the seat and squat. Spider man has nothing on me.
My eyes become watery as i defecate in morsels and rolls.
« Wetin dey smell like this »
« Godforbid » i hear people spit as they walk past the toilet.
The « toilet woman » opens the front door and then knocks on my stall « shey o ti se tan( are you not done ) »
« No » I reply angrily. If I was done would I still be here
« Mhm -she sniffs? Did she just sniff?-Shey kia kia( be fast) » she says and walks out.
Tchew. Because of small shit? Tchew.
My stomach finally eases and I feel relived. I say my prayers to God for delivering me. I walk out full of thanks to the almighty.
I smile as I pay the woman 100 naira instead of her normal fee of 50 naira. I should change my Facebook status to #Feelinggrateful
« You know how many people no shit today because of you? You wan live for inside toilet? » she yells just when this fine brother passes by. Just the right time!
« Ehehn? Oya Give me my 50 naira change »
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Really interesting 😍😍😍